On Moving the Ladder

Through out my professional career I've gone to many training classes, motivational seminars and read many personal development books. There is a common metaphor that I've heard many times through these mediums. The metaphor is that of a ladder leaning against a building. The ladder of course representing the corporate ladder of career progression.

The metaphor usually goes something like this. We spend all of this time and energy trying to get to the top of the ladder only to find it was leaning against the wrong building. This can be inturpreted many ways. There is the Confucian philosophy of becareful what you wish for you might get it. There is also the analogy that maybe what you where chasing after wasn't what you really wanted all along.

This is what I am struggling with right now. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and was unwaivering and undaunted in my pursuit of it. Stigmare was to become a global power house of luxury marketing. I had visions of coporate offices clad in marble, filled with men and women in power suits and a client roster that looked like an issue of Vouge.

Just before the New Year through the miracle of Facebook I was reconnected with a woman I have loved since my youth. I viewed her reappearance in my life and the positive momentum that occured with Stigmare as a sign from the universe that I was on the right path. My vision was unfolding before me and it served to only steele my resolve. Little did I know that my vision was not hers.

She shared her vision of a far simpler life with me. A vision of family dinners with her, her children and extended family. A very quiet and subdued lifestyle focused on art and family. The sense of peace that washed over me when she would describe this vision to me was amazing. What a beautiful vision of us in the kitchen cooking, kids at the table telling us about their day, laughing and joking. I had never pictured myself having these things and now found myself longing for them. But how to reconcile that with the vision I had committed myself to?

Hence was my ladder against the right building? Try as I may to figure out how to merge my old vision with the new I just couldn't seem to come up with an acceptable middle ground. The frustration of not being able to balance this equation reared its head in a very ugly way. It's what ultimately caused our seperation. I was devestated, everything I wanted in this world personally and professionally was before me and I had squandered it away.

Our seperation has been a catalyst for a great deal of intraspection for me. Stigmare, while still growing slowly, was no longer a source of joy to me. The selfish reasons for wanting to see it grow had been replaced with honoring this lovely creature the universe had brought back to me. Now that was gone. What was a personal quest for money and fame had been replaced with wanting to build her a world class artist studio. She is a very talented artist, though she would never admit it.

Now instead of burning the midnight oil I find myself writing in a journal I keep for her. Instead of working all weekend I sit on my deck, looking at the green belt behind my apartment, drinking tea, dreaming of watching her paint. I've even found myself wearing denim far more frequently than before. Those of you that know me will understand what a stretch this is for me. It would appear my ladder was against the wrong building?

I still have a vision of rebuilding the fashion and apparel industry in the Puget Sound, but now in a much more behind the scenes manner. I still want to see Stigmare grow, but I would like to accelerate our exit strategy. The vision of spending my days watching my lady paint, lending my marketing skills to the causes she values, and a slower simpler life fill my nights now. I just hope that I get the opportunity to prove myself to her again, sooner rather than later.