Reality Check

Okay, time to set the record straight. My postings here regarding my most recent failed romantic relationship have been merely my attempt at working through something that was a complete surprise to me. I was trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together in the best way I know how. Whether this is right or wrong I leave it to you to decide, but I was merely searching for the “WHY.”

Evidently my attempts to do this have been grossly misinterpreted by certain parties. The last time I checked this was still the United States of America and the first amendment was still in affect. Whether people choose to read my ramblings is their choice, and how they interpret them is based solely on their own perceptions. This is outside of my control.

I have done my very best to keep my former Lady’s identity out of my writings out of respect for her privacy. The only thing anyone knows of her is that she resides in Houston, a very large city. It would seem that I am not privy to this same courtesy as her friends have seen fit to threaten and defame me as a result of my ramblings.

Like any good marketer or blogger I have analytics on my blog. I can tell where traffic is coming from and how often my blog is visited. Google Analytics is a wonderful tool, if you blog or have a website use it. Since March 8th, the day before the Dear John letter was post marked; there have been 47 visits to my blog from her livejournal account and an additional 30 from her friends’ accounts all of which are hidden from public view with Livejournal’s security settings. From her employer’s service provider there were 38 visits with Twitter and Facebook being the primary entry points.

For a while I found all this attention to my blog humorous and flattering. Though several weeks ago I grew weary of it and reached out to those I could identify through my analytics to say thank your for reading my blog and offered to answer any questions they may have. Guess they didn’t like the fact that I knew who they were.

So let’s have a little reality check. Did I check in on the former Muse’s Facebook and Blog occasionally? Yes, I still care for her deeply. When she requested that I not contact her via text or phone on March 16th did I comply? Yes, until the last week I honored her request to communicate only via email and infrequently.

As a matter of fact I think it was Easter weekend the first time I contacted her via email, though I did send a card to apologize. I saw the activity from her employer’s service provider and felt dishonest in not telling her I knew she was watching me. I actually sent an email and a hand written letter requesting she stop. I then recanted realizing it was a childish request, she said she would like to be just friends but I’ve never been good at that I figured this could be a first step.

We had a phone call scheduled for this past Monday which I hoped would help fill in the gaps and give me a sense of closure, but she cancelled it after my post On Fear. I got a scathing email from her about it, and it was that post that led to a threat from one of her Livejournal friends via a comment. I moderate my comments so I printed it as evidence and declined it. Now they are in a full blown campaign on Livejournal to defame me after I threw up the white flag to her yesterday.

It’s clear that what ever sin I committed is to heinous to warrant reconciliation. I am very disappointed in myself for that. I just wish I knew what it was so I don’t do it again. Would I have liked for her to forgive me and give me another opportunity absolutely! I still care for her very deeply, but it is clear there is no chance of that happening which disturbs me.