On Communication

Communication or a lack there of is generally at the core of most the challenges we all face on a day-to-day basis.  I will be the first to admit that I am not a wordsmith in the least.  Writing copy has always been a challenge for me and I have a great deal of respect for those that can do so.  Those that have mastered this craft can convey things with the written word I can only hope to achieve one day.  I am much more of an orator, and often liken myself to a glorified carnival barker.

As communication is at the core of all human interactions there are many studies on the topic.  On average these studies indicate that 70 percent of communication is body language, voice inflection accounts for about 20 percent leaving only 10 percent for the actual words used.  With this information is it any wonder that mis-communication is at the root of most problems?  One of the best quotes I've seen of late floating around on Twitter is, "we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."  I have yet to find out where this originated to give appropriate credit.

One of the better books I've read of late on this is Leading With Questions.  While it is primarily about corporate leadership and using questions to manage as opposed to mandates it can be readily applied to any social interaction.  To often when communicating in both business and personal environments we make assumptions based on our own understanding rather than asking clarifying questions.  There is a whole psychology behind this that I may tackle in another post, but it essentially boils down to ego and our own insecurities.  I know I've done this in the past, and I'm sure some of you have too.

Not to many of us are confident or brave enough to admit we don't know something.  I know I have struggled with this in the past.  Even fewer of us are confident enough to know that questions are not a threat to our ego or an attempt to undermine our authority.  Again, guilty as charged.  Sometimes it is not the question itself, but the manner in which the question is asked.  So we are right back to communication being mostly non-verbal, although some times the words we choose can affect the perception of the receiver.  Is it any wonder that those that can master the art of communication achieve such great success?

I know a great deal of my communication skills could dramatically improve.  Most notably of the interpersonal nature.  This was made evident to me in my dealings with my most recent failed attempt at a romantic relationship.  Upon reflection and conversations with close friends I realized that not only was my word choice questionable, but my tone was off as well.  Hard thing to come to terms with when in my mind I heard the exact same thing regardless of how it was verbalized.  Classic example of what I said and what you heard were not the same thing.  Guess I will be working on that before trying to engage in another romantic engagement.  If it can happen there it can happen in a meeting, a sales call, anywhere...