On Family Part 4

Yesterday being Easter I went to my parents' for brunch.  This was the first major family gathering I had been to in nearly two years.  Needless to say I was anxious at the very least, but I know my former Lady would have wanted me to go.  Family is very important to her.

Everyone was kind and welcoming, saying it was good to see me again.  Inevitably the question would come up of how was I doing.  Initially I was able to keep my bearing, smile a half-hearted smile and say, "Ok."  Little did they know that inside I was in excrutiating pain.  The children playing and people laughing were a reminder of the life I wanted to share with my Lady that had been lost.

I found myself seeking solitude, unable to eat and fighting back the tears.  Yes the big bad businessman and former Marine cries, get over it.  First my Mother found me in the game room, sulking in a chair in the corner trying desperately to regain my composure.  Her appearance and compassion actually only served to make it worse.  My pride wouldn't dare let me share this pain with her.

It was kind of cute, she did all the motherly things.  She tried best she could to console me, told me that I needed to eat, and even made me a plate like I was a child again when I wouldn't.  What she didn't know is that the night before I had sent an email to my Lady requesting that she no longer come to this blog.  I had been seeing a lot of traffic coming to it from her employer's service provider through my analytics.

Knowing that she was checking in on me was a double edged sword.  It gave me hope that she would see past the persona and see the me buried deep inside.  To know that she is just as stuborn as I when we make a decision about something, and that she was resolute in no longer wanting to have a romantic relationship was heart wrenching.  It was hands down the hardest thing I had to ask of her.

I hold out hope that maybe it was just bad timing.  There was a lot of stress happening in her life in Houston, and I hate that wasn't able to be there to be a support system.  Long distance relationships are hard enough when life is going well.  I didn't help that any with my compulsive, analytical nature.  Silver lining, I am learning I had far more friends than I accounted for.